whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
