people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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