I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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