just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
