i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
