i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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