Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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