She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
