She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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