upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
