He uses pillows to masturbate.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
