just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
