help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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