Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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