I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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