dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
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