you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
