Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
