Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
