She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
