his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
