imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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