After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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