oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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