like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
