I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Alive.
So much puke
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
