xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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