This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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