I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
