4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
