Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
