I CAN MOONWALK!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
