i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
