we have pet lesbian snakes
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
