quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
