I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
