so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
