i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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