My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
