I must be too annoying 4 u.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
