Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
