my room smells like sperm. sweet.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
