Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
