I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
