you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
