His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
