I'll bet she douches with gravy.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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