Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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