I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
