is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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