Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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