i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
