awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
