U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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