just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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